perspective

nashy boy turns three on sunday. whaaaaat?!?! crazy, i know. i have no plans. whaaaaaat?!?! crazy, i know. it's so unlike me to not plan a party. part of it is because bevie will be in phoenix. and part of it is because i am trying to take a chill pill. that doesn't mean there won't be cake and presents and excitement, but there will be no themed party with decor and custom invites and coordinating everything. he'll be okay, right? right???

here's the deal: since my diagnosis with MS i've sort of been on this mission to do everything i can while i can do it. learn new things, make sure everyone i love (especially my kids) really knows i love them by going completely overboard with parties and gifts and yada yada yada. i never say no. i volunteer for more than i should. i take pictures of everything because i'm afraid that my MS will take memories away from me and only leave me with the pictures i thought to take when i could. i'm afraid that my kids will only know me as the mom who needs help brushing her teeth and not the mom who made dinner for her neighbors and sewed their halloween costumes and threw them the best parties they could imagine. i don't want my disease to be the first thing anyone thinks of when they think of me.

BUT

there have been some developments in MS research that are giving me a lot of hope. i got a text from my sister-in-law the other night to turn on the news. as soon as i did, i felt as though i'd been hit by a ton of bricks. instant emotion overtook me. there on the screen were the words "a cure for MS?" and then a two-minute segment on a procedure that is SO close to becoming a reality. so close to changing my life and the lives of so many i know. what if!?!??!!? what if they really can "reset" my immune system through one round of chemo? what if this disease is just a phase in my life that i will be able to look back on? what if i don't have to worry about my children ever getting it? what if i can live my life without the fear of my MS taking me down at any moment?

i have been feeling completely overwhelmed by this news. it may be years away, but it is looking like the cure will be around when i need it most. i can handle my life as is. so my goal is to do everything i can to keep my MS from developing any further. and part of that involves taking a serious chill pill. so that's what i'm going to try to do.

you know how you hear people say things like "i am so thankful for this challenge/disease/struggle." and you think "you're an idiot. why would you want this in your life?" well, i'm beginning to understand why anyone would say such a thing. i don't love my disease-i hate it. but that hate pushes me to do things i wouldn't otherwise do. it makes me want to be a better person while i still have the ability to try and do it. it makes me appreciate things in the moment. if i am someday physically cured, i will never be the same mentally and i will be very thankful for that. i will have been blessed with a new perspective on life. i already have been, but it would be a million times better if i had a body that could keep up with me.

update: as laurie mentioned in the comments, this treatment is also working on patients with several other types of autoimmune diseases-including lupus, so it's good news for a LOT of people.