thank you

thanks to everyone for your sweet emails and texts and calls. it really means so much to me to know you're thinking of me. it's hard for me to spill my guts like that sometimes. i'm a pretty open person, but i'm also not the type to ever ask for help. it's even hard for me if it's offered, it almost has to be forced on me. i'm much more comfortable on the other end of things, and i love being on that end. the problem is that because i operate that way, i expect other people to be wired the same way, and let's face it: not everyone does. most people need to be asked. we're all busy with our own problems (kids, errands, chores, spouses, jobs, school, etc.), and taking on someone else's problems doesn't always fit in so well. you have no idea how many times i've lied in bed at night crying and wishing someone would just come take my kids away for a day, even an hour, because that's what i would do if i knew a friend needed it. but then i keep forgetting that no one knows what i need because i play it so cool and i don't want to burden anyone. and it's not just that, i also just keep hoping that after a good night of sleep i'll wake up all better.

two nights ago (after my doctor visit and first round of steroids), i sat on nash's bed while he said his prayers. he said "thank you mama doctor and make her all better." i melted-i hadn't really said a whole lot to him about it. then last night when i came through the door after round two, he ran to me and said "mama, did the doctor make you all better? you not sick aymore?" i only wish it were that simple. it breaks my heart to know that my kids are going to have to deal with this with me. that they're going to know i'm sick and worry about me. i'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that they can be happy, carefree kids for as long as i possibly can.

the last few months have been a serious reality check. i DO have MS. it's here to stay. and i need to make some changes. which means i am DONE done Done eating meat. i've done it plenty before, i can do it again and forever, right? seriously, do not let me do it. do not let me eat it! do not serve it to me! additionally, will you call me everyday and say, 'liz, did you take all 20 of your supplements today?' (really, taking so many pills is like a job) and 'liz, it's 4:00, you should probably start making a delicious vegetarian meal.' i need some serious prodding and encouragement here. so there's my little plea for help. just a smack on the hand if you see me within five feet of a cheeseburger or a simple text to make sure i'm sticking to it. we'll start there. small and simple?