10.01.2009

thank you

thanks to everyone for your sweet emails and texts and calls. it really means so much to me to know you're thinking of me. it's hard for me to spill my guts like that sometimes. i'm a pretty open person, but i'm also not the type to ever ask for help. it's even hard for me if it's offered, it almost has to be forced on me. i'm much more comfortable on the other end of things, and i love being on that end. the problem is that because i operate that way, i expect other people to be wired the same way, and let's face it: not everyone does. most people need to be asked. we're all busy with our own problems (kids, errands, chores, spouses, jobs, school, etc.), and taking on someone else's problems doesn't always fit in so well. you have no idea how many times i've lied in bed at night crying and wishing someone would just come take my kids away for a day, even an hour, because that's what i would do if i knew a friend needed it. but then i keep forgetting that no one knows what i need because i play it so cool and i don't want to burden anyone. and it's not just that, i also just keep hoping that after a good night of sleep i'll wake up all better.


two nights ago (after my doctor visit and first round of steroids), i sat on nash's bed while he said his prayers. he said "thank you mama doctor and make her all better." i melted-i hadn't really said a whole lot to him about it. then last night when i came through the door after round two, he ran to me and said "mama, did the doctor make you all better? you not sick aymore?" i only wish it were that simple. it breaks my heart to know that my kids are going to have to deal with this with me. that they're going to know i'm sick and worry about me. i'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that they can be happy, carefree kids for as long as i possibly can.

the last few months have been a serious reality check. i DO have MS. it's here to stay. and i need to make some changes. which means i am DONE done Done eating meat. i've done it plenty before, i can do it again and forever, right? seriously, do not let me do it. do not let me eat it! do not serve it to me! additionally, will you call me everyday and say, 'liz, did you take all 20 of your supplements today?' (really, taking so many pills is like a job) and 'liz, it's 4:00, you should probably start making a delicious vegetarian meal.' i need some serious prodding and encouragement here. so there's my little plea for help. just a smack on the hand if you see me within five feet of a cheeseburger or a simple text to make sure i'm sticking to it. we'll start there. small and simple?

11 comments:

gina bina said...

I wish I was more in tune with how others, including you, are really doing. We've all been there, we all want to believe that we can do it all or that we are resilient to everything life can throw our way. I wish I had all the answers. Remember that accepting help is not accepting defeat.

XO

lisset said...

shall we dive in to the deep end of vegetarianism together? i'm embarrassed to admit i've eaten a hamburger or chicken nuggets every single day this week. (picture me beet red) tastes great while it goes down and then i feel guilty and scared its gonna come back to haunt me after this baby is born...
i'm dusting off my vegetarian friendly recipes after my parents leave town- wanna swap and sample starting monday?

Chad, Lindsay, May & Oliver said...

I'm so glad you have so much support out there. I wish I was closer and could help! Why are you so dead set on vegetarianism? Does it help with MS symptoms? Just curious :)

J-ROK said...

Oh man! I really appreciate your honesty this week. You're right, it's so easy to blog about a cute pic or good day, but real life- that's a whole different matter. I'll join Nash in hoping that Mama Dr. fixes you or at least finds better ways to make you more comfortable!

Chocolates for Breakfast said...

I hope you can still eat chocolate?!

Cole said...

Wow Liz. I just sat down to read all of this and I am blown away. You put a good game face on! I'm so glad you posted this so I am now aware of things. Expect to be seeing a little more of me. :)

Stacy said...

I can't imagine what you go through every day. I hope that they can at least figure out something to make you feel better.

Jamie said...

Liz what day would you like me to come up and help you with your kids? Simon is now at the age that I can handle him and other things at the same time. So PLEASE let me know what I can do to help. I'll drive up one day just tell me what works best for you. Love you!

Alifinale said...

Well, I guess I will have my work cut out for me when you are closer. Can't wait to come and steal Nash and Havey!

Michelle said...

I would LOVE for Nash to come over and play with Jack. He doesn't think I'm very fun, so he's thrilled if he has a friend to play with. Only problem is that my car only fits two car seats and we're maxed out, so you'd have to drop him off. I'll email you and hopefully we can find a day this week or next that works.

Natlee Lloyd said...

Ok so I too just read your last two posts! I feel so bad that I had no idea your relapse was still ongoing. You are a very strong woman and I admire you a ton:) Ryker would love to have some playmates anyday! I'll come get those kiddos soon to play!