yesterday's lie

so yesterday's post (to super daddy) was a total scam. i came across "super mommy"s blog while googling "purple spit-up." her blog didn't say anything about purple spit-up, but i saw the letter she wrote to her husband and there were some uncanny similarites to a letter i have thought about writing to steve.

when i first met bri bri (steve's older brother) at brr's wedding (steve's little sister), bri bri asked me, "why do you love steven?". we were engaged at the time, and bri bri was sitting at a table full of cynical boys, so i declined to answer. and i basically haven't answered that question since. i made a lame attempt in bed the other night, but it flopped. so i decided i better do it for real, once and for all. here goes:

Stevie Bevie,

Most of the things I love about you are also the things that drive me nuts. I think that's what some people call "true love." Like how you never ever pay attention to what I'm saying. I know I get mad at you for that, but at the same time I understand. You are constantly thinking about "smart" things; like politics and affirmative action, and our future (law school) and taxes. I think about "dumb" things like how I would remodel the fireplace and the bathroom and what kind of carpet I would get if we had money to do it. And it only gets worse when I watch HGTV and TLC marathons like "Flip This House."

You relate everything that ever happens to one of the "three S's"-Simpsons, Seinfeld, or South Park. And you laugh so hard explaining it all that you can barely talk and it's like you just saw the episode for the first time. Totally bugs me, but at the same time I can't belive the things you can remember. When you miss Desperate Housewives because you have to work, I have to make mental notes while I watch so that I can tell you what happened. And half of the time that doesn't even work, but you remember those episodes of the "three S's" verbatim. Wow.

You probablly didn't want a "sick" wife. You didn't want a kid right away. You probablly aren't that excited about the way we live "real life" now-with a mortgage and medical bills and a kid and three jobs. And a dog. But you have taken it all in stride (pretty much) and have even done some of those things only because I wanted them. And you never hold it against me.

Sometimes when Nash cries at night and I'm too tired to get up and think that maybe I'll make you do it, I start thinking that you might say, "you're the one that wanted a baby. you deal with it." But I know you would never say that-it's probably what I would say! You are so much nicer than I am. When I think I'm having a nervous breakdown you tell me I can quit my job-even though if I did that would mean you'd have to work even more and we would barely get by.

I love that you love Nash and that you are a good daddy even though it stresses you out a lot. I love that you love your parents despite some of the craziness. And that you tell them that and that you will never let the crazy times make you forget what good parents they were (and are) to you. It will make you the best daddy ever for Nash.

You have a big heart and wish you could change the world, even after TeachforAmerica and other disillusioning experiences. I am not that strong and would rather hole up in my little townhome with my baby and my dog. I'm glad that you don't really let me do that and you make me think about things-even if I dont' really talk about them.

You always say you are sorry and I seldom do. And you always say it first (and mostly last too). Even when you know I was the one who was wrong. Probably because you know I still think I'm right.

Basically I have decided that I keep the house clean (laundry excluded) and you keep our marriage alive. You are a much better person than I am. Thanks for "settling". And I LOVE YOU.

How was that?

All of my love to you babe,
eZ