9.26.2008


lizzy the host's guide to

how to be a better guest/diner
{part one in a series}

if you've made a reservation, we will gladly hold the table all night for you. so if you are running a few hours late, please don't bother to call. if for some reason your reserved table was forfeit to another guest because of your tardiness, we will simply fell a cottonwood and craft a custom table for you. no need to thank us, we're here to serve you. just please be patient and excuse the dust. no amount of pushiness or threatening to talk to the manager will speed the process.

if you have your heart set on a booth, please don't tell me so until i've already mapped out a table for you. when i take you to said table, please look around the restaurant with a disappointed frown and grunt. say nothing, then whisper to the rest of your party. if you had done this months ago (before i became numb to insensitive diners), i would have heard you and offered you an available booth. but these days, i'm going to pretend i didn't hear you and complain about you to another staff member. another approach: upon reaching the undesired table, say "isn't there a booth we can have?" because there probably is a booth (you know as well as i do since you've just scoured the room for a seat better than the one i have so graciously offered you). so i will oblige and seat you at the booth of your choosing. but here's what you don't know: not everyone likes (or can fit into) a booth. some servers don't have booths in their sections, and i, being the diplomatic employee that i am, am trying to keep those servers happy and their wallets stuffed. so i go back up to my host stand, edit the seating chart, whose numbers you have just thrown completely askew, and then cross my fingers that i don't get chewed out by the server you just denied.

regardless of whether you were satisfied with your table, kept your mouth shut because you are passive-aggressive and would have preferred a booth, or we went through step two, please jump right into your conversation (or into your head/book/crossword puzzle) and ignore me as i offer kind words, "enjoy your meal," or "let me know if you need anything else." i completely understand that your conversation cannot be postponed .5 seconds longer and any acknowledgment of "the help" would lower your class of citizenship. same scenario applies when you are leaving the building-please don't thank me, as i have done absolutely nothing to make this dining experience pleasant for you. please don't stop to listen to what i have to say(i'm only trying to offer a parking validation)-i tend to babble and engaging in such frivolous conversation is a waste of your time of which you are so aware the cost. you are indeed better than me.

15 comments:

AlexisTexas said...

oh how i miss the joys of the restaurant business...
love the post. makes me laugh-although not at your expense. i am laughing at the fact that I am reading this and i hear your voice saying it...mostly it makes me miss you. and it makes me remember the fun comments we made at hollywood at rude people in the "backroom"...good times. sorry people are a-holes.

Chocolates for Breakfast said...

Do I detect some attitude here ...must have been a bad night at the restaurant last night?! Isn't customer service fun?!

Bella said...

I think everyone should have to wait tables once in their life so that they know what it's like and know how to properly act while out at a restaurant! It's hard stuff! I did it and it's just not for me, but I am so appreciative of others that do it!

chad, lindsay, & may-may said...

Ahhh, the beauty of working in food service. I think everyone should have a turn, so they can appreciate good service when they get it.

bulkleybunch said...

it's a cold cruel world out there!! better get a gun!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

fraggLe+monkEy+shysteR said...

liz, liz, liz. when are you going to learn to just punch people in the face when they are rude? it works for me eeeeverytime. now quit your job and just come to the george so we can play and make fun of stupid people.

Beeta and Peeps said...

I have to backtrack a little because we just got the internet and I missed some posts, but those pictures of Haven and Nash are soooo cute! I feel like I haven't seen them forever :(

THE SOTELO FAMILY said...

Hi, that's so funny, I was thinking just yesterday how I wish I got the shark costume instead. The skunk suits the little guy though since for the longest time he responded to stinker and not his own name. The other costumes are by Tom Arma, he has a ton of cute ones. I love reading your blog. I came across it from Diane's blog. Your kids are adorable!

buddens said...

Ooohh, no fun! I've been there! I was a hostess myself once upon a time. People are lame. I had a guy apologize to me once and said he was just rude because he was hungry. While I appreciated his apology, I thought it would have been a better excuse if he was a six year old.

Lillian said...

Here is the link to the bed - it's from Ikea.
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S89829082
Thanks for the tip on the black clothes. :)
Also, I was a waitress/hostess for a year. I really do agree that everyone should have that experience to appreciate how much it stinks to get a $0.90 tip and get paid $2.50 an hour.

DC United said...

you need therapy. ;)

Ok...all jokes aside, it's a valid post. I hate the rude diner almost as much as I hate the rude waiter/host/ess.

Still...you should talk to someone about your angst...let it go, woman! ;)

jill said...

Thank you for reminding me why I never have nor ever will be a hostess!

Sondra said...

I love this post! I hate rude customers who think we should worship them and make sure everything revolves around them. I especially hate how they ignore servers/hosts and think they are better than us. Anyway, I love your post! PS: I totally agree that everyone should work in a restaurant and see how it feels!

Lisa said...

Working with the public is the worst. It's hard to please people that are so self absorbed. Thanks for the warm get better wishes. Your a sweetie!!

Melissa said...

Not a good night, friend? I can't see how anyone could possibly treat you rudely? They are seriously messed up individuals.